I Really Want A Father...

 -a post about surrogate parents for the newly orphaned at 30 and up. 

Update: this is ONLY an opinion post. All thoughts and views are mine and have nothing to do with Twitter or Blogger's opinions or views. 

Me, in 2015, WTC (Workforce Technology Center at DORS), in my dorm room, age 27. Three and a half years before my dad started getting sick with cancer. 

Please visit my Patreon for more of my creations: patreon.com/arachelbethahrenscreation 

Another trigger warning in effect. Some material may not be suitable for people who've lost a parent in death or in separation or being disowned due to certain circumstances. This is another mental health and mental illness post. 

Reader Discretion Is Advised. RAYOR. 

One evening as I'm fighting a migraine, because I cried way too much the other day from another debacle with my mom... I saw this and it reminded me of how horrible I missed my dad. And how I'm just horrible to think of sending not one, two letters, to the same celebrity, in order to show my support and to say I'm sorry I doubted you, because I am an embarrassment, and honestly, a tweet by his father says EVERYTHING about how GOOD of a person he is- 

Miranda was the officiant- at a wedding- in his own book store, for a lovely couple. After he and his father were BOTH vaccinated from COVID, including the booster. And worse, his father tweeted that the person getting married was close to his family, loved like a son. 

And it got me thinking- They are NOT reachable in ANY way. 

And last night, it made me so depressed that I will never have a dad. 

So yeah, I'm finished. I'm done trying to find a surrogate dad, I'm done looking up their tweets and profiles, I've completely shut off @Lin_Manuel's Twitter profile from my search history. I am ONLY a fan, nothing more. No more obsessing. It's over, I'm not going to talk about that subject of celebrities anymore. 

Rich people are scary, all of them. If I ever go near the Hamilton creator in question, in person, in New York or anywhere, I'll run away. I'm scared of him. And I adore him for being the sweetest person in Manhattan. 

I choose a solitary life in a teeny tiny family of only one mom and myself, no dad, no grandparents because they're all dead except for one grandparent who hates me to death because she thinks that if her own daughter and granddaughter "don't have Jesus- you're crazy and you will BURN IN HELL." My grandmother has also said to my mom, "I hate you," and she's also said on Thousands of occasions- "Oh I never said that!" in a tinny baby voice. Even my mom's sister refuses to talk to us, I haven't heard from my cousin Jacie in YEARS, and I never got to see my youngest cousin Josiah grow up. And pretty much all of my dad's family won't talk to us, not even so much as a thank you... 

Yeah, I'm finished. The Ahrens family is now the smallest family it's ever been. 

Ahrens Family, Population: TWO. My widowed mom Julie, and myself. 

New Update 10/23/2021- As of today, I am the newest member of the LMM Fan Group, and I plan on retreating there from time to time on Facebook. The folks there and on Twitter are SUPER nice and respectful, and I think now I think is the time to redact what I've said earlier, since I am still in the grieving phase at this moment in time. Please forgive my horrible mouth right now, as I'm still editing the shit out of this post and working on finishing another Eliza post in the coming days leading up to NaNoWriMo, which is only in a week away from Monday. 

Alexander's family is even smaller because his mom was pretty much born out of wedlock, and she still doesn't know who her dad is. And as of Inauguration Day 2021, Alexander has no grandparents, a widowed mom since '93, a brother, a few cousins, and family friends- nobody else. His family keeps getting smaller too. 

I feel sad by this because I'm an only child and I've always wanted a sister. I tried, I really tried to be an adopted sister with Tiffany, until she gaslighted and ghosted me numerous times over and over in the last seven years, and dragged my ex boyfriend into this too, and towards the second half of our relationship with the man I used to think would be my future husband with the big noisy family I always wanted- Anthony ghosted me too, abandoned me when I begged him to let me speak my mind and open my heart to him when my father is dying- and he just said "Goodbye, Rachel, I never want to talk to you when you're like this, not until you grow up. I'm gonna go away now, see you later." And he ran away with a tail between his legs. That is why we broke up and it's over now. 

My mom and I still want closure with everyone we used to be friends with and now are just people who hurt us. But every time we talked about it, it brought us both to tears. Because with all these epiphanies we both have, even long before 3 a.m., it kills us both and breaks our hearts. 

So yeah, I'm done. I'm finished my search for a dad type. I already know that no one was going to replace my daddy, Bob Ahrens, but I was hoping for at least a father type figure that I could look up to, someone to at least be friends with, and eventually give his help to both me and my mother to help us get to the next chapter. Maybe some father figure type to walk me down the aisle if I marry Alexander, the love of my life??? A person to honor my real dad??? 

No??? 

I GIVE UP. I am losing it. 

My mom and I both have trust issues, it's true. Because my mom was a child of the 1970s where nobody cared and no adults EVER had a BRAIN (like my brainless spineless heartless narcissist senile lying bitch grandmother "Grannie Joan" I'm calling her from now on)- My mom has it the worst. I worry about her every day, from the second I get up in the morning, to the moment I go to sleep. I don't want to lose her. 

Unfortunately, it's a double edged sword here, because I had a dream the night before where I almost woke up screaming: Dad was coming home from the hospital, and he told me, "I never got to kiss mommy goodbye... My sweet sweet Julie..." He was in tears. And suddenly, I remembered, my dad is not really there... Dad's not breathing, he's not in the wheelchair anymore, he's not playing D&D with his friends in the next room- My dad is GONE. 

And I realized- if my dad's gone... and he just told me my mom is dead too... I guess that makes me an ORPHAN? And I have no relatives, no family, no family friends to take me in- and none of my current friends will want me living in their house, I'm sure, because everyone I know who lives in Maryland is married and getting pregnant or already have kids and have no room for me to sleep over... 

And my mind went to the Darkest Place- "If I have no mom and no dad, and all my relatives hate us anyway, especially Grannie... and nobody wants me to live with them, and I have no money, no career, no job, no husband, no next of kin, and no prospects... I'm homeless!" 

I almost wake up hearing some noise in the background, until I hear the huge banging sound overhead on my ceiling. I scream bloody murder into my pillow, and my entire body is shaking from the cold underneath the warmest emerald green Irish crochet blanket I've ever made myself. 

That is how scared I am. 

This is what PTSD looks like. I'm so sorry if you're reading this and you're crying too. Gimme a hug, sweetheart. I love you. 

I think I finally understand how Michael Banks felt after losing his wife in Mary Poppins Returns, which was one of the very last Disney movies I've ever seen with my dad before he passed on. 

Let me debunk this little myth that Lindsay Ellis said about Disney's Mary Poppins franchise: The whole thing about children holding onto money, and embracing capitalism "is what Disney strives to stir into children and adults with this Disney sequel" is a myth. The Banks' children were going to LOSE THEIR HOME. They had NO mother- she died! There is no woke-ness about the Mary Poppins sequel, and it's absolutely true to the P.L. Travers series, especially if you rewatch Saving Mr. Banks and look at it from Walt's point of view while he's talking to Ms. Travers. Walt Disney was really a humanist person, and Michael Eisner's idea of monetizing sequels and Disney remakes was NOT everybody's idea of making movies. 

My take on Lindsay Ellis, my opinion on this- I agree with her on several Disney remakes, including Aladdin, Beauty and the Beast (hashtag #BeastForShe, ha ha, love that!), and definitely Dumbo because the original animated version from the 1940s during wartime America in World War II definitely made waves and was a total tearjerker with many Disney fans and kids MUCH BETTER than the live action directed by Tim Burton -- Why Tim Burton, why did he have to direct it and show the horrors of bad circus people showing how awful animal cruelty is?!?!?! The live action version of Dumbo made me sick- I don't want to see animal abuse and definitely no child abuse in the theatre. I'm done. Lindsay, you hit it out of the park with "Woke Disney", bravo! I actually borrowed your video clips and episodes on Disney to help with my PowerPoint slideshow project for my economics class, in which I got an A for showing the dark side of Disney and Disney + in my presentation, using annotations and research. THANK YOU!!!! 

Spoiler: But here's where Ellis went a little bit too much, and it was on grounds of Mary Poppins, in which with the sequel, she missed the point- The Banks family was just about to lose their home, roll over and give up on it, when they should have realized that the banker at Fidelity Fiduciary was behind all the crimes of stealing people's income and their homes, everything. And also, she missed the whole thing about Michael's children, especially because I feel for poor Georgie- Where Georgie says, right before Emily Blunt as Mary Poppins starts to sing, this line really killed me: 

"I miss mother." 

THAT, my dears, is the entire point of Mary Poppins Returns! The movie is about expressing grief during a period of bereavement, especially during a time like COVID19 (only a hundred years ago in the 1920s, the epidemic that killed millions was the Spanish Flu, according to Wikipedia- Mary Poppins Returns is set in England in 1933) or worse of the worse, since the movie is in the 30s, we're actually calling it the Great Slump, in Britain. Here in America, the 1930s happened a lot sooner in 1929 with the Stock Market crash, and we called it The Great Depression of the 30s. Everybody was hurting- EVERYONE. People's families were dying, starving, living out of dumpsters, living out of their cars, you get the idea. 

America could have been like that in 2020. Kinda didn't happen, though... We may be in a recession, but to me, we've been in a recession since President George W. Bush was in his second and final term. It hasn't really stopped, even when Obama was President. Not to me anyway, because I've always had trouble finding a job. After Donald Trump (Scrump the Loser) left the White House (and about time too), 2020 was not only the year of COVID19 the medical disaster, but it was also the biggest year of people leaving their jobs, which is why the economy is in free fall. My boyfriend is calling it "The Great Resignation" in which people are leaving their jobs in droves because they are DONE with sitting at home doing at-home jobs, people were tired of working part time or even going to level-entry minimum wage jobs, sitting around waiting for the perfect opportunity to happen. And it's happening everywhere. That's why I feel sad for all those people in retail, restaurants, and food service industries selling products and services, because the anti-vaccine people are giving them a hard time when they're just doing what they're told, because the manager put up a "We're Hiring" sign because the manager just got a job they've always wanted... Oh. Joy. 

Meanwhile, here I am in JoAnn Fabrics, holding on to my purchases for dear life, hoping the nice cashier will give me a discount, even though the prices on yarn went so high it's like the store chain is committing robbery, and I don't have enough money in my bank account because nobody wants to hire me... Even though I have to remind myself, the retail industry is at their lowest most desperate point, and they're fighting to stay alive- 

And even though I know that my economics 201 teacher Professor Cramer was right, that when the economy is in free fall, and we need socialism to help out the customers, and the government is total capitalist and hates socialism- guess what (he always said)- People starve, their wives divorce them, and you lose your house, your car, your kids, your pets, and your money... 

And then he brought up the subject of being diagnosed with cancer, and what the economics behind cancer was, and if you actually beat cancer with the money you owe the bank for your house (guess what)- you go bankrupt because you used the equity line and the return on investments to buy chemotherapy and radiation to get your health back- you get evicted, and your neighbors have a shopping spree on your stuff... 

And what I'd still like to say to him is- Sir, what happens if you DIE of cancer, what happens to your house, your family, and everything you own? What about the wealth of the widow? What happens to the widow or widower who now has to buy a coffin or urn, then pay for the funeral or memorial service, all the hospital bills, the lawyers, the deed to the house if there's a last will and testament- WHAT THEN, HUH? What's the economics of when a person dies? 

I really, really wanted to tell him all that I thought that semester, because I had just gotten the news that my dad had cancer that spring. But I kept my mouth shut, yet I still took it personally, I packed all my things, and I bolted out the door in heavy sobs. 

That's where Ellis went wrong. Mary Poppins Returns is not an economics movie, it's not a woke Disney movie as it were, it's all about grace under pressure, and feeling empathy for the children who are growing up too fast, faster than their father or Aunt Jane ever did when they were kids in the nursery with the same nanny. Most of all, it's all about the importance of LOVE during a crisis. The Banks and their kids were about to lose their family house, their home, and if they couldn't make the money to pay back the loan, they'd lose a part of their souls that went with Michael's father's house, which was also in part, part of his wife Kate, who died before the movie even started. You hear it in the song "A Conversation". The poor man is tormented by the death of his beautiful loving wife. 

I cried at the part where Emily Blunt as Poppins sings "The Place Where the Lost Things Go" because of what she was talking about- the children losing their home, part of themselves, and for sweet Georgie's sake, losing their mom. 

By the way- That song, "Place Where the Lost Things Go"? That was my eulogy. I sang that song a capella at my dad's funeral 10 months ago, almost to the day. And I broke down in tears, grabbing my boyfriend Alexander, at the end in which I said, "Find dad in the place where the lost things go- I miss my Universe." 

Losing a parent is a similar feeling to me as the Banks' children losing their mom in the Disney film and the death of Yondu Udonta in Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 combined. That is what that movie was trying to show you, in the time of a terrible crisis, including the 1919 Spanish Flu, the 1929 Stock Market crash and Great Depression/ Great Slump, and the worst of the worst (in my opinion)- the Corona Virus World-Epidemic and Great Resignation of 2020 and 2021. 

I got no words for you now. 

I just feel really depressed tonight and I want my daddy. 

2020 is not here yet. And 2021 never started either. It IS still 2019 all over again. It never ended. This is the Year With No End. 2019 is the worst THREE years of my life. This is the worst era to live in, the worst time for humans to live in, and sadly, the horrors are never going to stop. 

My mother just asked me to stop watching the news for 24 hours starting tonight. 

By the way, guys... 

My mother, Julie... her birthday is tomorrow. 

That's why I've said it before and I'll say it again. I have no dreams, I only get nightmares and they won't stop. I'm living in a nightmare right this minute. It never ends, it never stops spinning, it never turns off. 

Dreams don't come true in Baltimore. They just don't. Not in the entire state of Maryland anyway. I have nowhere to go but down. 

Get. Me. Out. Of. Here. 

I guess that's the end of the post. I'm sorry I couldn't post something happy. I'll try something happier next time. Something about Eliza. I love you guys, na night. 

Love, Rachel, Lady in the Blue Box 

Not a Love at First Sight, A Truth: Long Live the King of Broadway

Copyright 2021 Lady in the Blue Box Publishing by Rachel Beth Ahrens. All Rights Reserved. 

Note- see my newest Patreon post here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/57537595 

Also, special thanks to my 1,800 followers on Twitter!!!!! :D WOOT. I love you!!!! 

Tilar Mazzeo said in her Eliza Hamilton biography, Chapter 5, page 56: "It was not love at first sight." 

She's not talking about Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy. She's not even talking about Emma Woodhouse or the Dashwood sisters and their handsome gentlemen. 

She's talking about Alexander Hamilton and Eliza Schuyler. And it actually happened. 

My jaw made a clanging sound on the floor. 

Mazzeo continued to write: "Apart from this brief encounter in Albany, it would be more than two years before Eliza would see Alexander Hamilton again. While the Revolutionary War continued to unfold on the northern front, Eliza was not there to witness the campaign or to meet with any of the young officers fighting it, although Alexander was a frequent presence. By the end of December 1777, Eliza had moved to Boston... had time to dream of romance during those next two years she would spend in New England, she thought still of Tench Tilghman." 

Ah, here we go, there's the Mr. Wicked Wickham! The guy who pulled a fast disappearing trick on poor Eliza! Because as I read on in that book, he never proposed to her! And Tench Tilghman was a far better eligible bachelor than the orphaned immigrant ruffian known as Colonel Alexander Hamilton! (But we all know that she does marry Hamilton in the end, just like how Lizzie Bennet gets her flirt on with Mr. Darcy when he proposes to her the same day Mr. Bingley proposes to Jane Bennet, her sister!) 

See, this is the part in which Eliza is going to push Mr. Hamilton away after she judges him for his pride with her anguish. Let's watch the fun! 

Note: No, I have still not seen the musical!!! Everybody keeps telling me, "You need to see it NOW, GIRL! What are you waiting for?!" 

But I'd much rather do the research first before I watch the real thing, especially since I'm WRITING A STEAMPUNK BOOK. About the REGENCY ERA. Based. On. Hamilton. 

I was taking a very short walk with Alexander a couple of weeks ago, looking out at the water, taking some pictures on a very lovely day, eating lunch on the Promenade on such a beautiful day in Havre De Grace. 

Who knew there were so many gazeboes around... 

There were also nonstop historical landmarks all the way down, leading to a visit to the Havre De Grace Maritime Museum of Maryland: 

These photos were all taken by me as I was walking around that Friday afternoon. I wanted to see more of this, to actually see the museum itself, but they were closed and only operating on the weekends due to COVID19, and there was a Pride Festival coming up later that weekend. :) (I do love and appreciate pride festivals now that I've come out as demisexual. That Saturday was known as National Coming Out Day, perfect day for a festival! The sun was shining, and people were bringing their dogs, wearing rainbows, enjoying the vendors, and enjoying the awesome music on the speakers, it was divine!) 

During our brief walk, we found lots of mini free libraries (which I love to pieces), and there was a very important lighthouse on our walk, the lighthouse was eventually the place where the Pride Festival was held for National Coming Out Day. 

I was stunned by all this documentation I took while I was there. Just looking back at all this, it makes me a lot closer to the amazing history that I've been missing out on since elementary and middle school every time we talked about the Revolutionary War. 

It finally made me reach a breaking point of, "Where was the Hamilton Musical my entire life? Why didn't I get into it until just NOW? I- I...." 

I even found a very somber and artistic picture to take at a monument to recognize all the veterans who died in the wars, fighting for our country: 

Someone laid their flowers from a wedding here. It was a very powerful picture that I just had to take there, since Havre De Grace is definitely a place to hold a wedding in some parts of the town in Harford County. 

And all of this scales back to Hamilton. I'm sure Eliza Hamilton left flowers on Alexander's grave in Trinity Church after he died in 1804, a bouquet of wedding flowers like these. Even though she burned her letters, she found thousands more writings that Alexander Hamilton wrote, which she decided to give to her sons to get them to write about him. She lived nearly 55 years longer to see him again, her sister Angelica was buried next to him before that time. Angelica died 10 years after Hamilton's death, 1814, the year Jane Austen published Mansfield Park, and she was currently working on finishing up Emma, to be published the following year. The musical was accurate, but not too much. It was more of a Pride and Prejudice story, but the aftermath led to Eliza becoming a trailblazing business woman and practically a superhero, in telling her husband's story posthumously. 

Even the back of the book I'm reading, the plot summary of the biography, it mentions Miranda's musical as well. It's also in the first line of the Author's Note from Mazzeo herself: "Who will tell my story?" It appears that someone actually did. I'm glad. It also mentions of the reasons why Eliza burned the letters told from a social status standpoint, as a wife trapped in her husband's scandal and later as a widow. 

I can't wait to get to the end of chapter five of the story. My head is buzzing with lots of inspiration and fervent desire for researching all of this. I could hardly wait to get this out of the way. 

To be continued. 

Playlist selection- 

Coming soon this November to Netflix and select theatres... A film adaptation of this: 

Deep Dive at 3 in the morning- another one for Midnight Mania

It started with a phone call. 

I had been procrastinating too much over the past few months in not posting anything on Blogger or Patreon. Costumes too. I was tired. Emotionally exhausted for some reason. Didn't know how much longer I could take of disasters. 

Today, Cinderella is sick again. We don't know what's wrong with our poor baby puppy. We hope she feels better soon after she gets home from the vet. She is 13 years old and has been having some stomach issues lately. We've taken good care of her lately. 

The phone call I took from Alexander, my sweet amazing boyfriend, the phone instead gave me a notice, saying, "Hello! Your phone is obsolete! Because of the merger that Sprint had with T Mobile... Assurance Wireless is merging into T Mobile now! If you don't replace your phone Now- WE WILL TURN OFF YOUR SERVICE AT THE END OF DECEMBER 2021! Thank you, your call will now be connected!" 

I spoke to them, I complained way too much, then I caved and asked them if I could get a smartphone, after Alexander did some convincing on how to properly use a smartphone, giving me "Smartphones 101" classes, because honestly, I DON'T KNOW A DAMN THING ABOUT SMARTPHONES AND I HATE THEM... 

But then I finally told Assurance Wireless, go ahead and sign me up for one. 

After waiting a week, it came pretty fast, and unfortunately- They sent me a flip phone. I was going backwards. Was I a joke to them??? 

My mom kept saying to me, "Rachel, if you had been NICE to them, they probably would have given you what you wanted..." 

I'm not exactly sure what Alexander thinks of this, though. 

Last week, I got new glasses from America's Best, then did an impromptu photoshoot with my inner child, so to speak. 

You know how some people have their inner child stuck inside somewhere and nobody wants their inner child to come out of their shell as you are being taught the class, "Adulting 101"? Well, I kicked my inner child out a long time ago and now she follows me around being childish and stupid, chewing bubblegum and blowing bubbles in my face. Like this- 

The glasses did eventually get altered so that they could sit on my face a little better without the arms of the frames bending outward, and the woman behind the desk even cleaned the lenses a little more for me- for free. I think I'll be going back to America's Best more often from now on... 

And I've also decided on my upcoming Halloween costume a couple of weeks ago, and it is nearly finished: 

It comes with a tiara. 

That's right. My next venture is to be a witch-princess-fairy mashup/ combination costume. 

Hey, why not??? 

I've even ordered some business cards to hand out to people, if all goes well. Then again, it took a few weeks for the business cards to be delivered, and I have absolutely no idea if I got them, because USPS says they're delivered, but I have no clue if my mom has checked the mail yet. They were delivered today, Saturday the 16th. 

Oh my god, the 16th. October 16th. Now that it's after 1 a.m. on the 17th, even though it still feels like Saturday, I forgot that today is the book birthday of G'morning, Gnight! by Lin-Manuel Miranda. 

And it gets me thinking about my Eliza Hamilton gown, which is still in the works at present.... 

I think I might be losing my mind about this, but last weekend when I spent two nights in Historic Downtown Havre De Grace, Maryland, I found something very similar to the stories told of George Washington and Alexander Hamilton during the Revolution, including the aftermath of Hamilton's death: The War of 1812, a very prominent time period in Maryland's history: 

These are ALL historical landmarks. From the Decoy Museum, which Alexander said was useless, to the lighthouse on the harbor, which has authentic history dating back to the High Regency Era of the 1820s. 

The Hamilton fan in me is probably squealing at this point: "OH MY GAAAAAAAH!!!!" 

Here we go again. There's going to be another Hamilton post... Rrrrrrrrrrrrrr. 

And during my pointless Google searches on the internet, perusing whatever, I found this: 

My thoughts: "Seriously?!?!?!?!!!" And the woman from the Anastasia Musical doesn't cut it and is only second rate? Come on, Google. The man hates me. My poem "I Don't Send Letters to the Fame" was really overstepping boundaries, too personal, and I'm sure I'm a pathetic idiot for writing it and sending it. Come on. 

But a little Twitter conversation kept me up until 7 in the morning, all. Night. Long. 

And even better, Gail Carriger, one of my all time favorite steampunk authors... LIKED everything we tweeted that she was tagged in. Not Kidding. 

@RachelBeth99: (On the basis of crocheting amigurumi dolls and stuffed animals) Possibly... that might work. I'm learning to crochet a parasol from YouTube tutorials. Seems fairly easy enough, just have to find the right doily pattern and the right yarn and crochet hook for the right gauge. 

Friend- I love the word parasol! Does YouTube have any tutorials? Now I'm interested! 

@RachelBeth99: Not sure. Google it! That's what I did for parasols- I got the idea while reading a @gailcarriger novel to crochet a steampunk parasol that looked like it had EMP pulsars on it. It's for another project I have in mind- for adult cartoon Hazbin Hotel's Charlie Magne by Vivziepop. 

Friend- I love the creativity! Humans can make so many things if we really set our minds to it! 

@RachelBeth99: Alexander says the same, guess that's why I'm in love with him. But creativity makes me a little messed up, though. Three months after losing dad to cancer, I wrote my first ever fan letter, all in poetic format, to @Lin_Manuel, but I'm ashamed-  I think the letter was a mess. 

Friend- That's so special though that you trust them enough to confide those things to them! 

@RachelBeth99: Honestly, I've had this constant fear on my back, anxiety and agoraphobia related- that since 2019, I'm terrified of people like that. I used to be good natured at sci fi conventions, especially around Alan Tudyk and Kevin Sussman, but to cut it short- celebrities scare me. 

Friend- They can feel as if they were in a different world from us. I can see that. But artists all have the same soft spot- they love to know that their work has helped. 

@RachelBeth99: That might be true. Learned from a lot of the Twitterico fans that LMM has a huge soft spot. I had just been absent from tweeting about it because of Twitter being Twitter. I hate internet bullies. 

Second tweet of mine- I don't really know. I feel like I could have revised and rewritten the letter more? :/ I wrote it because I had never done that in 32 years of my whole life and I was nervous about it- but I wanted to thank him for G'morning, G'night and the Hamilton soundtrack- BOTH saved my life. 

Friend- I think any artist would love to get a letter saying how a piece of work by them helped! That's a great compliment! 

I think Ms. Carriger liked about three of my tweets in this conversation, of my friend's, she hit like on the LAST TWO, the really important ones that stuck out like a sore thumb as a message that said- 'Love. You." :) 

Holy- 

Ok, reevaluation time of King of Broadway series. 

Oh no, here we go again. 

And now that I've been working on this for days, and it's almost 2 a.m. again, I am going to finish off this long post with a big finish... 

Ok, inner child me, you win again. It's time to write the big stuff with the research I found on Havre De Grace and everything I saw. I have it all written down already. 

And now I bid you na night unto you all. 

I'm now going to sign off every single tweet on Twitter the same: 

EVERYONE DESERVES LOVE. Na night. 

Happy book birthday, Mr. Miranda! 

With love, 

The Nerd Queen and Austen Aficionado 

Playlist selection- 

I downloaded the new Adele song, "Easy On Me", the day it premiered a couple days ago, along with Lin-Manuel Miranda's song "Almost Like Praying" that he made to help Puerto Rico restore the island after the devastating Hurricane Maria, and along with Demi Lovato's new big hit "Melon Cake" after recently coming out to the public that they were nonbinary. 

Even though I practically have no money whatsoever to buy new music, I regret nothing! 

And here's some mood music, everybody: