Originally published November 7, 2020 on WordPress until they screwed up and forced me to conform to their corporate rich people evilness. Copyright 2021 Lady in the Blue Box Publishing, written by me, Rachel Beth Ahrens, All Rights Reserved.
It’s that time of year again, Halloween has come and gone. And November 1st is officially NaNoWriMo, it’s now the second week!
A week ago, it was time to break out the Halloween songs and the movie Corpse Bride, the chocolate candies I love, and the spooky Caution/ Biohazard tape and cobwebs. But of course, putting cobwebs on your lawn can be a very messy business.
And on the subject of Halloween candy, and November 1st, kicking off the Thanksgiving season with the screaming families and the angry fights over putting the bird in the oven… Or lack there of because of social distancing during COVID19… what better way to use this transitional holiday time to relax by putting that Halloween candy to good use?
Not only that, but another Election Day was here too. Election Day in my book is now the same as going to court for jury. This is something that you do if you’re a registered voter, just like being in the middle of a court summons to be on a jury or if you were hit by a car in an accident where you were a pedestrian and you almost died (me) and you have to stand up in front of a judge to tell him where that $300 hospital bill went and you didn’t know your health insurance paid it for you when it should have been paid by the defendant’s insurance first. And if that doesn’t scare you enough, the judge is the person that scares you a TON more than the lawyers. That’s why I never want to work anywhere in law or anywhere near court or politics. Hence one of the reasons I used to hate Hamilton the smash Broadway musical that beat the shit out of Waitress and Mel Brooks’s The Producers– see “King of Broadway is Dead”.
And thus comes the Norah Jones song I sing every four years when we have to pick a president. This year is actually EXACTLY like the lyrics, because this is how I felt when Norah was writing this entire song, lyric for lyric, melody and harmony altogether:
“T’was Halloween and the ghosts were out, and everywhere they’d go they’d shout, and though I covered my eyes, I knew they’d go away… But fear’s the only thing I saw, and three days later (November 3rd, 2020, in Norah Jones’s case it was during the Bush presidency) was clear to all-
“… that nothing is as scary as Election Day…”
It’s after Election Day now, and I couldn’t agree more with Norah when she said close to the end of the song, especially because of Corona Virus the results of this year’s election won’t be here for WEEKS to come:
“But the day after is darker… and deeper and deeper we go… Who knows if this is all a dream? Who knows if I’ll wake up and SCREAM???”
To make myself happier about the whole thing, I tried to write a parody spoof song of a little ditty I learned from my dad’s current favorite TV show M*A*S*H that he watches almost every day on MeTV:
“The President fighting COVID,
he think’s he’s really bright,
he screams too much on Twitter
and has sex with bimbos through the night!
Oh I don’t want no more of COVID life!
Gee ma, I wanna go VOTE!”
Second verse: “The surgeons fighting COVID
you think they’re very green
but if it wasn’t for them,
you’d be dead in the latrine!
Oh I don’t want no more of COVID life!
Gee ma, I wanna go VOTE!”
My parents didn’t laugh at any of it. Dad said it wasn’t funny.
Then I got depressed tonight and prepared for hari kari on my dreams again.
Days before the official election where I voted in person at my old high school, while surfing internet videos with no shame, I found out that a common search of mine actually included videos that used the word ASMR. I didn’t exactly know what those letters meant, so I Googled it to find out what it actually was.
Google came up with “Autonomic Sensory Meridian Response”. The online dictionary calls it: “n. a feeling of well-being combined with a tingling sensation in the scalp and down the back of the neck, as experienced by some people in response to a specific gentle stimulus, often a particular sound. ASMR is triggered by things like whispering voices, paper tearing, and scalp massage.”
“Scalp massage”- I’ve actually had that done before at Spa on the Avenue. It was a deep tissue massage that my mom paid $90 for with the money she earned from her bonus at work, a massage for each of us, because she earned a pretty hefty bonus that year. I told the massage therapist of my TMJ disease and mental health problems, and she said that we wouldn’t be able to do everything inside of a 30 minute-1 hour session right there, but she’d try getting through it. The massage on my back, shoulders, and neck were super important, and with the lavender oils and the lotion smells filling up the room and the tingling sensation in the neck that relieved tension, I felt incredibly relieved, no headache for the rest of the day. Best sleep I ever had later that night. She even massaged me along my face and head, the important epicenter of the TMJ problem. The scalp, jaw muscles, and the joint on the inside of your ear are the strongest acupressure points to target and reverse damage by TMJ disease-induced nocturnal bruxism.
ASMR can not only be delivered by an actual massage therapist, but in practically all five senses. If you put on soft classical, jazz, or new age music, it helps you relax all that tension substantially. Music tends to help me write, clear my thoughts, and think. Right now, I’m listening to my “Broken Heart” playlist, which is on “Perfectly Lonely” by John Mayer, one of my favorite singers/ songwriters, who’s incredibly good at guitar. His raspy voice is very good at delivering ASMR in that aspect, especially since he sings the blues now. Adelle can do the same thing, for the next song on the playlist is “First Love” from her debut album 19, full of poignant tunes and heartache with a soft, mild guitar and gentle piano chords.
Another thing my therapist suggested, and by the way, I believe I’ve said this already but my therapist is AWESOME for this reason: surf your YouTube account for relaxing videos.
This video is one of my top five relaxing ones in my Liked/Favorited account, because it sounds like one of his G’mornings/ G’nights in the book he wrote, which I own a copy of. He made this video one or two years later after he performed for First Lady of the White House Michelle Obama with his idea for a hip hop concept album about Alexander Hamilton, eventually becoming a Tony and Pulitzer winning musical, in fact, the date stamped on it, August 2011, he was still writing the musical…
He was sick as a dog in this video with a very high fever and a bad case of post nasal here, hence why his hands feel like ice and everywhere else around him is in a different climate zone. But for the first minute, he’s very platonically patting his hand around the camera, pretending he’s trying to relax you, saying it’s ok, you have a pretty smile, you can wear your mouth guard, I know why you’re scared, I believe you, I don’t blame you, sweetheart, don’t hurt yourself…
Those are the purest words of an EMPATH. What an incredibly sweet person, aww…
My comment was listed under the most popular comments list with a small amount of likes, but it was up there with the top 15 or so: “The first minute of this video is the sweetest, as if I’m listening to his book G’morning G’night, or reading his gmorning and gnight tweets. Him moving his hand like he’s patting your head and saying, “Beautiful smile… I understand you, I understand…” And mentioning the mouth guard is another bonus- I have TMJ disease, I wear a mouth guard every time I go to sleep, and yet I still wake up with migraines from time to time. Lying in bed like this is how I feel with a migraine. Just saw his Twitter yesterday and he’s sick again. Poor guy. He needs a hug.”
I also have to add- him mentioning his wife and how badly he wants to see her, that is even sweeter and more romantic. I love that he loves his wife so passionately, like she’s the most beautiful thing in the world. When I was still single and I watched that video for the first time, I wanted my relationship with my husband to be exactly like his with Vanessa Nadal-Miranda. I see his Twitter posts about her- he’s been married to her for 10 years, and it’s like the honeymoon never ended, he’s in total bliss and loves his wife completely.
Also, might I add, Mr. Miranda- I used to love bowling too, used to own an 8-pound bowling ball in a case that had Marvin the Martian on it, and the ball had an engraving of Mickey Mouse on it, and it glowed in the dark because it was perfect for what we call “Cosmic Bowling” at Perry Hall Lanes near home on Ebenezer Road, which is a weekend thing where they put on blacklights, disco balls, laser lights, music videos, and dry ice machines. Their pro shop is da bomb for what they did for me and my dad. And Cosmic Bowling was the very first time I heard my favorite late 90s-turn of Y2K songs “Mambo No. 5” and Len’s “Steal My Sunshine”, the glory days of being in middle school when I was in a bowling league. I had to give away my bowling ball very recently, unfortunately, because of dad’s cancer and eventually the COVID19 crisis when we sold our house this year. My 13th birthday party was at the bowling alley, which my parents timed perfectly to be a Cosmic Bowling party. I miss it.
He also mentions that he went to a funeral in the midst of his video diary on that channel, for a long lost friend he lost touch with and he found out he recently died. It seems that even people with emotional trauma can bring therapy to those who need the ASMR, kind of why I almost want to go back to support group with NAMI, but I know that the last time I went, it was too crowded and their location for the weekly meetings was moving somewhere else entirely, so I left and never came back.
But can the same thing be done with foods and candies? Specifically, Halloween candy? We’re still in that season of fall stuff, don’t tell me it’s Black Friday right now, I’m still in Day of the Dead mode until at least day before Thanksgiving. Besides, because this place I’m living in is getting smaller and smaller every day, and because my dad wants to move ALL my stuff to make room for a desk, chair, bookshelf, and a real armoire big enough to hold EVERYTHING- the winter clothes, costumes, AND my crochet, and I’m thinking where the hell is my bed going to go and how do I get to my closet without stamping my toe on something- I have to live out of a box for an entire year, maybe for the rest of my life. So… No Christmas. I’m not having Christmas this year. No room for a tree, no room for presents, dad doesn’t even have enough freaking space to carve an entire 15-pound turkey with all side dishes and stuffing for a tiny table at the breakfast bar, and no way in hell are we having any company over to stay for dinner, grandma is not coming for the holidays, dad won’t let that happen. Christmas is forever canceled, and that’s that. I don’t want anyone to talk to me about Santa Claus, reindeer, the Grinch, Frosty, Ebenezer Scrooge, or anything holiday related ever again.
I guess for Thanksgiving, dinner will be… deli sliced turkey and mustard sandwiches with a side of cranberry sauce, microwave whole grain rice (which STINKS, I always hate that smell when dad cooks that stuff), dry green beans, and no gravy? Or is dad going to order some Chinese food from our favorite Chinese restaurant up the street? There are tons of restrictions regarding COVID19 and holiday dinners now and our apartment is not big enough for a good family dinner for even three, four, or even five people, if I bring Alexander and grandma to dinner this year. Man, grandma would eat my boyfriend’s head if she found out he has no religious beliefs at all and has no God.
Last year on Thanksgiving Day, because dad was in the hospital that day, my holiday dinner was Lean Cuisine frozen TV dinner and a cup of tomato soup. No turkey, no stuffing, no squash, no carrots, no cranberry, no pie. Mom said the turkey in the fridge is just going to sit there cold and rotting for a week until dad comes home when he’s better. We had a fight about it that night and I almost wanted to put that raw turkey in the trash because I said, “What if dad never comes home at all?” and mom yelled at me, “Get rid of the word what if! ‘What if’ does not belong in your vocabulary! Stop being facetious and stop jumping to conclusions! Get over yourself!”
And the nice people on Twitter patted my head with nice sayings, telling me they wished they’d come over to bake and cook things in my house for dinner, make me a HUGE holiday treat of turkey, stuffing, pies, and crumpets.
Hey Twitter people- YOU’RE NICE! I like you! You get sweeter and sweeter every year.
Truth is, videos of ASMR for just food alone are limitless. That especially includes my favorite Halloween candy to get this time of year, bubblegum. Wikipedia says that ASMR “is a tingling sensation that typically begins on the scalp and moves down the back of the neck and upper spine. A pleasant form of paresthesia, it has been compared to auditory-synesthesia and may overlap with frisson.” -I’ve heard that word frisson before in a Meg Cabot novel, All American Girl, the story of a teenage Goth chick who rescues the President of the United States from an untimely murder and gets promoted as youth ambassador to the United Nations, and she feels this ‘frisson’, or the ASMR reaction, whenever she sees the president’s teenage son, who also likes her favorite ska bands No Doubt and Save Ferris- she is in love with the president’s son as a result of this. Awww.
For me, when I had crushes on teenage boys, specifically hotshot Brian Joiner, who I wish I kissed (but I didn’t and I’m kind of glad I didn’t now), and my first love Jack (who I wish I never kissed because he was just as bad), I felt my heart sink to my stomach, then beat inside my stomach to the point where my stomach is doing flip flops, and then the frisson part of it tingling with chills on my skin from top of my head to the rest of my body.
The last time this happened, you ask? June 24, 2020, it was a Wednesday afternoon. Incubis’s “Drive” was on the radio at Meringue Cake Studio, and I was in the middle of a fight with myself along the lines of, do I kiss him or should I wait any longer… COVID19 says I can’t kiss him and I forbid myself to kiss anyone who’s not my father, who I currently STILL live with after 30 years and he’s got a deathly case of asthma among other serious problems… No, I SHOULD kiss him because I’ll waste my whole life wondering what if, and Kerensa’s favorite Incubis song is playing, where she’s practically screaming at me, “DO IT! Kiss him and stop being so scared of everything!”
That same day, like Aaron Burr describing Hamilton in the song “Wait For It”, Alexander didn’t hesitate. We both stood up, I hugged him for the first time until I was comfortable. He kissed first. And already, the frisson feeling was stinging me like a magnet. I didn’t want to let go.
But this article on TheConversation.com >>> also makes a case that ASMR videos that use clicking, popping, or whisper noises can be used for mental health problems. It can not only trigger arousal, as I’ve already mentioned before with Alexander and our first kiss as a couple (which, I might add, did not happen until our fourth date where we had actually been seeing each other for almost two months at the time, because reopening restaurants due to Corona Virus didn’t happen until middle of June), but it can relax you before bed to treat insomnia (which I have already because of Election Night this week, my sleep cycle is all screwed up to no end) and can also treat depression and anxiety too.
These ASMR “artists” tend to role play as other people, or just go about their business in silently fiddling with agendas and journals, pretending to give you a haircut by sculpting a wig they just bought, or role playing a quiet whispered guided meditation to take you on a journey somewhere in a distant fairy land far far away…
These ASMR “artists” also are visual, because they are on a video stream, sometimes livestreams too, and they’re moving their hands in fluid movements and making little soft finger sounds to encourage the tingling “frisson” sensation too.
Chewing and blowing bubbles with bubblegum does this same exact thing for me.
Proof: this is a perfect example of a bubblegum-related ASMR video, even though it’s 15 minutes long.
I was searching for bubblegum related videos in YouTube for some older videos I haven’t watched most recently and I wanted to bring up again, when it finished the AutoComplete search for me with the letters ASMR and I decided to click it. I thought I was going to get the results I normally get from years ago while perusing the internet… But when I entered the additional ASMR word, there were THOUSANDS of results. And there are new ones popping up every week and almost every day. They’ve been coming up a lot more recently in the last year, which is crazy, because I didn’t know this even existed.
Some of them were annoying, I’ll admit. Listening to someone chewing gum on the bus is very annoying, I get that. My boyfriend’s friend actually finds it very annoying, I found out. Maybe I am obnoxious in that regard. My ex’s parents also hated my voice, I don’t know why. Do I speak in monotone?
Some people, according to the article, actually say that they think it’s more of a turn on in an aphrodisiac way to get “in the mood”, but it is definitely proven by doctors and therapists that ASMR is not meant to be anything sexual. It’s actually triggering a different part of the brain, it triggers pleasure, not arousal.
More proof: This lovely English lady, I’ll admit, is a little loud, and this video goes for a good length, but seriously, unless you have a latex allergy, who doesn’t love balloons???
This same thing goes for music. In his acceptance speech for the Hollywood Walk of Fame just before Mary Poppins Returns was even in theatres (My GOD, Lin-Manuel, how many times do they have to give you these awards! Make it stop!) and after his wife just had another baby, Lin-Manuel Miranda said that there are a lot of songs he wrote for musicals, Disney movies included, where people sing to their children (and themselves) to sleep. That is a PERFECT example of ASMR at work, specifically, and I hate using the Hamilton musical again, but it definitely is in there, the song “Dear Theodosia”, which is half of a love ballad and half lullaby- Aaron Burr is asking the newly widowed Theodosia to marry him, and at the same time, Eliza Hamilton just gave birth after the war was won, and Alexander Hamilton gets to hold his new baby boy Philip for the first time, and as their voices melt together, they’re both equally in love.
Case in point:
These lovely gentlemen singing together in a Zoom conference as one voice, it’s so sweetly choreographed, and by the way- this was filmed and released on Election Day, November 3rd this week! By the Hamilton Musical channel and Twitter account! Miranda broadcasted this in a retweet live from his account, which is @Lin_Manuel. It’s powerful, uplifting, and hopeful, which is what ASMR videos are all supposed to do. This is their exact purpose.
And I didn’t know this had a name.
I thought the whole frisson thing I had with all my crushes, and my boyfriend, was what I liked to call “Mulligan’s Butterfly”, because I like butterflies, and it kind of feels like butterflies in your stomach mixed with goosebumps. In a similar romcom movie called Head Over Heels, it’s the same thing Monica Potter gets when she sees a painting- and Freddie Prinze Jr.- in it, she calls it “weak knees”, because she literally falls backwards and does a traumatizing backflip stunt that looks like it hurts!
This is making me crave a piece of gum right now. But it’s very, very late at night, I need to be asleep. Almost 5 a.m. as I’m writing this right now.
And I guess there needs to be a part six… Ohhh migawd, here we go again… When is this going to stop?
Coming soon… The Case for Waitress, now under construction, to be released…
Playlist selection- a lullaby g’night from me to you… Inspired by the Netflix documentary series based on a podcast about the stories behind the songs, specifically the first episode where Alicia Keys explains her first years of motherhood while writing “3 Hour Drive” with Sampha, who lost his mother at the same time Alicia’s son was born…
Best song from Song Exploder to end this post within the same ASMR theme of this whole essay. I hope you like it as much as I do:
No comments:
Post a Comment