The Lady in the Blue Box: Part 4: Love Elyxir Epiphany at Bar Louie

Once again, and hopefully for the last time, this entire series on Hamilton the Broadway Musical has a MA-16 warning. Don’t let curious prying eyes see this, there may be some swearing. The age rating is still 16+, guys.

Reader discretion advised.

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Sigh.

Last night, I made the dumbest decision to stay awake until 6 a.m. again doing part three of this opinion-dissertation, lengthy as ever. I believe I’ve been a Lin-Manuel-Alexander-Hamilton skeptic for way too long and I need to clear some things up right now and finish this horrible and stupid debate once and for all, because I already KNOW many of you readers are SICK of me talking about him and how bad of a hard nasty critic I am of his Tony-Pulitzer-MacArthur-Kennedy Center winning musical that turned him into the world’s biggest celebrity right now- because I feel that Sara Bareilles is totally undermined and underrated, she needs more credit. Please agree with me just. Once. Please. Her latest record Amidst the Chaos, which I’m listening to right now at 2 in the morning, is an absolute masterpiece. She is the feminist hero version of Joni Mitchell and Carole King combined but for the 21st century, ever since Little Voice in 2007, which now has its own TV show on the Apple TV service, by the same people who make the Watch, iPad, and iPhone, of course.

I’m so freak-ass tired I need to be in bed right now.

But at the same time, I’m wired, but the back of my head feels like fire- call the fire department, Mr. Imitrex, I think we have a wildfire of a migraine coming because I’ve been blogging way too long. Turn down the lights, get the milk, turn off the computer, turn down the blankets and sheets. This girl has got to sleep right now. Shit. Shitty shitty shitbritches.

But my creative writing muses won’t let my brain rest right now and I’m absolutely dying. Tomorrow I’m expecting a call from my doctor, since we’re still at phone appointments and can’t see each other face-to-face at all, it’s impossible with the virus, and tomorrow evening is the third seminar this month for the Business Competition “Shark Tank” project I’m doing with CCBC’s Center for Business Innovation, because I have an announcement, actually several announcements:

#1- I finally wrote a REAL book. It’s live on Wattpad.com and is running for the Watty Awards, #wattys2020, and it was made official at midnight, July 25, 2020, that’s right- My 32nd birthday on the nose. And coincidentally, it was also the day movie director of Blade Runner and Alien Ridley Scott asked the entire internet to film themselves in one day, which he was going to take videos from everybody and make it one documentary called Life in a Day, which would not only capture Corona Virus, but many efforts families and activists are doing to promote goodness and hope in the world. I did that too to celebrate both my birthday and my book birthday at the same time- as well as my beau Alexander’s birthday, because as you most likely know already, I think I’ve told you: Alexander is precisely 10 DAYS younger than I am- we were almost born on the same day, same month, same year, but he was delayed by a week and a half. I was born July 25th, he got August 4th. So, we made my birthday a joint holiday for the two of us at his house in Bel Air, MD.

#2- My fallback plan, in case I win NADA from the Watty Awards on Wattpad and they won’t publish my book Instant Infinity at all (but Alexander has a strong gut feeling that somebody would be a total MORON if nobody publishes the book- Instant Infinity is a tragic-comedy-drama set to music- sort of- about a woman who had mental illness and suffered full blown anxiety during COVID19, ending up committing suicide by stabbing herself with a kitchen knife and dying moments after being treated for cardiac tamponade in shock trauma, all while telling her story while she’s in Heaven, a little bit of Lovely Bones and Heaven Can Wait with a little bit of CW’s Crazy Ex Girlfriend meets NBC’s The Good Place. And while Daphne, the relatable anti-hero who actually becomes a hero in the end of the book, is competing in a singing contest for all of the heavenly world to see, the memory of her suicide is haunting her. Alexander says it definitely has the BIGGEST impact on people with mental illnesses, especially during social distancing and Corona Virus restrictions, the Black Lives Matter riots and protests, J.K. Rowling being accused of being a TERF- which I can now agree with these people that she hates transgender and non-binary people and she has unforgiveable blood on her hands -you horrible bitch, Harry Potter was my world and you killed it, fuck you- but that’s just me-)…

I’m starting to formulate a good idea for a nonprofit small business that could help NaNoWriMo in tons of ways, because I’m sick to death of using this tiny piece of shit apartment as my library, workstation, office, panic room, sanctuary, sleeping spot, living space- just TOO MANY uses for this teeny tiny bedroom that I hate so much more than the house I just abandoned due to COVID, my dad’s terrible health condition, and the fact that I’m completely penniless with next to no bank account left at all, I’m so screwed.

It’s called The Bubble Umbrella Haven. Because ever since I met Kerensa Hayes, my best friend in the world in college at Towson University, I’ve been crazy sick in love with my favorite rain gear ever: the bubble umbrella.

You see bubble umbrellas all over this totally sick and awesome Living Things music video from my college days when I used to love indie rock college radio back in the day:

Also, it’s because a bubble umbrella is probably the most creative idea someone’s ever had, to make an umbrella that’s totally clear like one of those bubble spheres you climb into and jump around in on the field outside for fun, but it’s actually a clear, transparent polyurethane sphere that’s been cut in half and mounted and sewn to a bigger, wider umbrella shaft. Since I was 20, I have been super obsessed with them. I used to have a pink one until it broke, but then again, it was tiny and cheap, $5 at Goodwill, for hell’s sake. The bigger and better ones I used to own got broken just a tiny bit but I repaired them the best way I could, until I totally forgot to take each one with me when I left a public place, they got neglected and forever lost, one by one. Duergh.

But the best part about them is, they keep you bone dry, all 360 degrees around you, back, shoulders, arms, head, and even some of your torso. I’m always, always worried about my bags getting soaked from the rain, especially when going to class at CCBC for my Associate’s. I had a big meltdown before class because of a huge downpour outside that my accounting teacher took it the wrong way, and well, let’s just say I have to repeat accounting 102 in the spring, 2021, hopefully and only if it’s NOT available online only and they finally allow face-to-face classes for good next year. But for me, during COVID, fat chance in hell.

Even better, bubble umbrellas protect you against strong-impact winds during a storm with a flash flood warning, which we get A LOT here in Maryland. That shaft is so strong that if you hold it in front of your face towards where the wind is hitting you smack in the face, it will keep the rain and forced-freezing-impact winds from flying in your face, and the umbrella shaft WILL NOT BREAK! These pretty shiny things are impervious to high speed winds up to 70 miles an hour! I have to warn you, though, bubble umbrellas are not cheap, even if you buy one at Target. They’re $20-25 at Boscov’s in their rain gear section of the accessories, and between $16-20 at Target, Walmart never has them at all, and forget about Five Below, period. Sorry.

Why call this business after an umbrella? An umbrella acts like a shield, and they come in all different crafty colors, there’s even an umbrella you can buy that has the Vincent Van Gogh Starry Night painting on it, it’s lovely. The purpose of my business is to attract creative minds behind every frame (shaft, ha), no matter what color, sexuality, gender or no gender, and all ages too (I will gladly welcome kids too! Kids love cool crafts!), to give them a free not-for-profit safe space to expand their creativity. We will make profits from our cafe and bakery (I have connections to the cool people at Baltimore-certified-small-business Meringue Cake Studio, those pretty awesome folks who make my favorite desserts and breakfast-brunch foods while I’m on dates) and even promote weekly free-coffee-free-tea days too as a promotion for people to come in. All of our artwork won’t come from highly sought after artists in Maryland or other people in the area, they will come from our CUSTOMERS- that’s right, you! And all artwork that we sell and baked goods and magazines will go to our services in providing materials for NaNoWriMo, and to help schools keep art, music, and English classes without cutting funding from children’s creativity that they need to achieve a great education.

And that goes for EVERYBODY, black, white, Hispanic, Latino, Asian, straight, lesbian, gay, bisexual, cisgender, non-binary, EVERYONE with a creative mind is welcome in our warm sunny spots under a clear bubble umbrella with a hot cup of tea (or coffee) and a hug. This is a haven we’ll open when all libraries and schools are closed for any reason and you’re dying for some creativity and you’re scrambling under cabin fever, weather permitting. We’ll have long hours- 9 a.m. to 10 p.m. close, 365 days a year, except for holidays, and we reserve the rights to close or give time off for employees reserving for any religious holiday, including Yom Kippur, Hanukah, Kwanzaa, Christmas, everything.

And we’ll be the only one doing this in Baltimore County. NOT Baltimore City where it’s way too hard to get to, especially if you don’t drive a car. Public transportation by MTA to get downtown anywhere in the city is a bitch, and I mean that sincerely. Maryland has the worst public transport in Baltimore. It stinks. We want it to be super easy to access for everyone in the county and our neighborhoods, like a big family. That’s what I want to achieve.

If that plan backfires, I’ll still get to be a published author. If BOTH plans backfire, then… I give up, my only dream career is becoming a failure and I hope the bosses and managers at Walmart and Burger King up the street actually treat me nicer than most, because that’s where I’ll be the rest of my life. I have no plan C-Z. I technically don’t even have a plan A or B. I have nothing.

Hence, getting back to the matter at hand, last weekend, I got horrific news, and it was close to a bullet to the heart. It took a beating out of me when I heard the news from my boyfriend, that he may be moving further away from me. Havre De Grace is a much longer drive than his current home in Bel Air. My best friend is moving to Portland, 3,000 miles away, and she has no clue at all who’s going to be her new roommate, but it’s definitely not her sister- she’s going to a group home, but fear not, it’s not for retired people, it’s got younger people our age like us. And I’m already scared she won’t get along with these random strangers she has to live with, just like the roommates she had that I met at TU many years ago. She’s hopeful that they’ll be nice, though.

This is kind of what kept me up so long until almost daylight, for the most part. That’s why on Sunday night when we were discussing where we wanted to go on our next date, Alexander was dead set on going to The Avenue again, even though I really craved some sushi. That was until we looked around at the restaurants at The Avenue and I remembered what replaced The Tilted Kilt, the Scottish-American pub grub bar and restaurant that served good drinks but horrible food that put my stomach through constant spins, aches, and lunges like a messed up merry-go-round.

After deliberating on their menu on their website, especially after Alexander noted that they were practically a 5-star rated restaurant and bar, we decided on Bar Louie in White Marsh.

Oh, man, was he right.

The food was beyond excellent. My Irish and British ancestors were begging me to try the fish and chips for some reason, I kept circling back to that beer battered dish, and something about their homemade malt vinegar sauce jumped out at me. I was in heaven at first bite, I almost ate everything, including dessert, in the words of dachshund princess puppy Moonpie Starbox: “Dohnut! I wants dohnut! Say dohnut! I want dohnut! Doooonut!”

Don’t ask me how I know about Moonpie, because I hate to shock you, I have no TikTok account. But those donut holes with chocolate sauce for dipping were so much better than Belvedere Hotel’s Owl Bar version of mini-beignets with Nutella for dipping. I think I just found a closer and much, much better watering hole for eating good food and having drinks with girlfriends now. If I had any girlfriends, that is. All I have now are Beth and Kerensa, sadly, and Rebecca’s not 21 years old yet.

Speaking of drinkies, because Bar Louie was a new place I’ve always wanted to try since I got there, I wanted to experiment with their cocktails. They had an interesting take on a cosmo, orange liqueur instead of triple sec, are they kidding? They probably had sweet Vermouth for my new cocktail I invented on my 32nd birthday I celebrated with Alexander, which I named after my famed anti-hero character in Instant Infinity: the “Daphne of Angel City Cosmo”, which is a perfect blend of sweet Vermouth, Smirnoff vanilla vodka, splash of sweet red grenadine, and a full cup of cranberry juice, shaken with ice, and served with a strawberry to garnish the martini glass. But I’m pretty sure as Bar Louie was pretty fancy, they didn’t have Smirnoff or any brand of vodka that carried vanilla flavor.

But get this, they had Absolut. Even better, they had the most delicious sounding cocktail to ever reach a menu for me to read off on paper (no, I still have no smartphone, I still have no internet access on the go in any restaurant, so I can’t do digital menus at all, and they’d be too difficult to read anyway- my god, I’m so old).

They call it… wait for it… a Blossom Elyx. Sounds like an elixir of life, doesn’t it? And it’s literally made with flowers- no seriously, it’s get this- a hibiscus TEA drink with alcohol! Best of both worlds!

I wanted to try it, but it was 12 bucks, almost the same price we paid for my beer battered fish and chips meal. I found out why- it’s made with Absolut Elyx, a brand new line of vodka by Absolut that’s been carefully distilled and handcrafted in Sweden (man, so many things to love about Sweden, first Ikea, second my favorite store H&M, now Absolut vodka), and the retail price for a liter bottle of the stuff is, ready? Only $59.99 to almost 80 bucks! That is one high end expensive bottle of hard liquor, 42% alcohol by volume drink, that’s as expensive by a vintage bottle of wine or champagne. Woah.

I wanted to play it safe at first and not order it, maybe go for a small glass of Moscato wine or their Angry Orchard Hard Cider on tap, especially when the waitress told me that it’s served with a cinnamon-sugar rim, since it’s a perfect fall beer (yum, I LOVE Angry Orchard). Then Alexander took my hand and said, “Get any drink you want, I’ll cover it.”

With a smile hiding underneath the mask, the waitress didn’t even ask me for my ID when I asked her to go get me a chilled glass of Absolut Blossom Elyx on their menu, and she happily went to the touchscreen kiosk in the wall next to us and rang it up on our tab right there.

When she brought it to me, Alexander couldn’t help it, he had to take a photo of me drinking it, as well as the drink itself, because it was between bright red and dark pink, my favorite shade of fuchsia. And it was in a goblet they called (checking back at the Bar Louie menu) a copper coupe, which looks like the exact same chalice that’s advertised with the Absolut Elyx vodka itself on their website (I Googled, sue me). It was almost as if I was sipping the Holy Grail of cocktails, and I guess I was sipping at great world knowledge.

This is basically the cut and dry recipe Bar Louie detailed in their Blossom Elyx, using the very pricey Absolut Elyx vodka: one part Absolut Elyx (obviously, and the stuff is pretty strong, bold and smooth and is the primary alcohol ingredient in this drink, everything else is just juices, alcohol content is about medium-high), chilled hibiscus tea (which is all natural, caffeine free, no sugar added, and high in antioxidants, it’s a super tea), aquafaba (I Googled what this one is- it’s an alternative to egg whites they usually put in cocktails, but it’s healthier for people with allergies because it’s made with chickpeas, and it’s low calorie and vegan too), and served with an orange wedge garnish on the rim.

I used to hate chickpeas until now, to be honest. This drink was AMAZING. It tasted just as good as a strawberry daiquiri, my number one favorite drink of all time, but it didn’t have any shaved ice in it. This drink is served with no ice in a chilled frosty copper chalice called a coupe, which is why it reminds me of Monty Python and Graham Chapman’s failed quest to look for the Holy Grail. Even though this drink is super expensive, I’m willing to order it again the next time I go, which will definitely be Halloween night, Saturday the 31st and exactly one week after my mom’s birthday this Saturday the 24th. The cocktail went down slow and smooth, like a cool drink in an oasis in the middle of the desert, which kind of cuts and heats your throat like a hot knife and warms you on a frosty autumn day. The tea is also the best part, because I know teas better than anyone, every tea has a different flavor and character like wines do. Hibiscus is supposed to be fruity and robust, sweet, tangy, and flowery, because unlike most flowers (looking at you, chamomile), hibiscus is not supposed to be grassy, it’s supposed to taste in between passionfruit and a strawberry, sweet and tart. And squeezing the orange wedge brings out the sweetness and tangyness of both the tea and the Elyx vodka at the same time. Incredible.

That’s my new favorite thing now. I now have a favorite mixed cocktail that’s second to frozen slushie mixed with dark rum. And the good part is, it’s never too hot and never too cold to enjoy this drink without freezing to death in air conditioning or letting the ice melt too fast in your drink. Even better, it’s my favorite color. It’s as pink as my jacket in the photo- deep fuchsia, pink that’s blushing so hard it almost looks bright red.

Yeah, the Blossom Elyx is definitely my all time favorite drinkie in the winter. La la. But I’ll only drink it extremely sparingly, because it’s SUPER costly.

Back to the actual dissertation of this thing, sorry I wasted 3,000 words already (shit). We’ve officially come to the end of the 4-part super long essay building up to the end of my listening experience of Broadway’s Lin-Manuel Miranda’s Hamilton, and believe it or not, it hit me like a Light Rail train on MTA from Lutherville to Falls Road at full cruising speed, almost like a slow burn. It lasted all night long, even at the end of dessert when I finally finished the donut holes and my second glass of water.

I downed the last of my new favorite delicious Elyx cocktail, savoring the hibiscus, orange, and vodka burn swirl, as Alexander and I talked about the whole thing. Us, my blog dissertation series, karaoke, the songs on the airwaves in the bar, the Little Mermaid remake and how badly I want to see it because dammit I can’t remember the first time I watched it in 1989 when it was in theatres because I was a baby (Lin-Manuel Miranda is lucky because he watched it when he was 10- he’s 10 years older than me- he’s young for 40!), and how it pained us way too much for him to have his hands tied that he’d have to go to Havre De Grace shortly after Kerensa goes to Oregon.

Then Alexander said, “I love you. You see? Every time I’m with you, you give me protection from my negative thoughts and the problems happening for both of us. And in turn, I help you with your demons. That’s why I don’t want to leave you. We’ll figure it out. We’ll make this work. I never want to leave you and I never will, I promise.”

I kissed him passionately on the mouth, the elixir and chocolate sauce still on my tongue. After that amazing kiss, I pulled back, opened my eyes, and whump, it hit me. It came to me at last.

The pieces of Hamilton are now coming together full circle.

I said out of a burst of lightning, “Alexander, it just hit me.”

“What?” he said.

“I now see the whole point. Why Lin-Manuel Miranda wrote Hamilton. I think I figured him out and what he wanted to say. I finally get why it’s so important, the entire message of that musical.”

“What is it?” he said, interested.

“This,” I said, shrugging my shoulders, still embracing him in my arms. “Things like us. What we have. Hamilton didn’t have a lot of time to do stuff, so he tried very hard to give himself a family, and he wanted to take care of Eliza as best he could. He wanted to give love and get a legacy. Eliza only wanted love- she said it in ‘That Would Be Enough’ in my last chapter I posted live today. She said the money and legacy would come later, I’m focused on you, just stay alive for as long as you can. Then Hamilton said, ‘Love, take your time, I’ll see you on the other side,’ and he died. He took care of her until his death. She took care of him longer than he lived, because she lived another 50 years, which was unheard of in the Regency Era, because a lot of people those days died much younger. Jane Austen died at 41 and never married. Eliza started the very first foster care system with the first orphanage in America, and she got the legacy after, but passed it to her husband and her children as well, including the Founding Fathers who worked with him…”

After breathing for a moment, I said, “I know what to write about. Finally.”

He smiled. “I love you SO much, Rachel. So much!” And he kissed me again.

It would be helpful to maybe say that my boyfriend’s last name is definitely not Hamilton. His name is Alexander George Arthur Meranski, according to his documents, yes it’s his legal name. He doesn’t like the name Alex for many reasons, one of them being my nasty exes, honestly, but he likes being called Alexander because of his love of history- the emperor of Rome and Persia, Alexander the Great, for instance.

So, 4,000 words later… After Alexander’s finished his pint of Sam Adams Octoberfest… (No, not John Laurens in the place to be… grr, silly fans. But this glass looks pretty awesome, right?)

Songs I recommend from this record: Trying to see which ones actually work best. I tallied them up and listed them in the back of my notebook of song lyrics for my novel Instant Infinity, which I’d love for it to be set to music. I counted up the songs I liked thus far from the first and second times listening to the soundtrack-

There are 23 listed tracks I recommend. Double shit. Yikes.

“Helpless” is obviously my favorite, because it’s a love song about how Hamilton met Eliza, truly a romantic song. “It’s Quiet Uptown” is incredibly poignant. Both Cabinet Battles are hilarious and educational, because of what Jefferson and Hamilton always debated over in George Washington’s Cabinet office. Really creative. And all of Philippa Soo’s songs really hit you in the center of your heart, I love her voice and how good natured Eliza Hamilton is.

I like the song King George sings, because I like to imagine myself at his screwed up performance and I’m giving him the finger and blowing raspberries at him because the king is a fuckhead. It’s that level of stupid that it’s funny. I love George Washington’s Jay-Z and LL Cool J inspired rapping in “Guns and Ships” and “Right Hand Man”, but he’s also very soulful on “History Has Its Eyes on You”, which I have to say has an absolutely BEAUTIFUL harmony on the last chord of the song, just Christopher Jackson and the choir in the back.

“Nonstop” seriously kicks ass, I DON’T like “Yorktown” at all because it’s uneven, just a whole bunch of rappers shouting rhymes at each other. “Wait For It” definitely has a Seal meets John Legend vibe to it, Aaron Burr sings very well. “Dear Theodosia” is amazing because Burr is talking about the woman he loves, who he’s going to marry (and he does, says the Chernow biography note in Wikipedia), at the same time Lin as Hamilton is talking about his firstborn son Philip and how beautiful his son is- Lin’s wife Vanessa, according to one interview with Jimmy Fallon, sings “Dear Theodosia” to their kids while tucking them into bed at night. But Lin’s son, either Frankie or Sebastian, says that his mommy wrote the song, daddy didn’t write it, because of his hatred of Hamilton.

Those kids are going to do GREAT things, I know it. No Benedict Arnolds in sight in that family. Just kidding. But I can see why that song would be a very nice lullaby after all. It’s lovely.

Oh crap. No. I need help.

My rating for this soundtrack of the musical: ?????????

Well…

(Angel Dust Hazbin Hotel face:)

Three stars. It’s good, but I wouldn’t download the album, there’s too much.

(Hamilton fans: “Rachel, what’s this on your iPod?) (They show me my Guilty Pleasures playlist with the music at the bottom, which also includes the unreleased studio tracks of Lin-Manuel Miranda singing “Cheering For Me Now”, a few Hamilton mashup songs, and Weird Al’s parody “Hamilton Polka”)

BUSTED.

Ok, four stars. Four and a half. SHIT- FIVE! Because you, Mr. Miranda, sir, no pun intended (see “Aaron Burr, Sir” on track two), made me cry and laugh something awful.

(Hamilton fans: “Atta girl!”)

But I still don’t understand how the hell the AOL dial up noise fits into the song “My Shot” at the end- why the hell is America Online factoring into the story of one of the men who founded our government?

I guess that’s a story for another time.

The AOL song is right here, if you want to take a listen. Listen for when all the guys start singing together in unison after the length of rapping, after, “Let’s get this guy in front of a crowd”-

Until the next time… I may have to ask for a rematch.

And when Broadway opens their doors again in 2021, you may have to drag my carcass to the theatre to watch the show when it reopens. But only if I lose at a bubble blowing contest with three pieces of Strawberry Bubblicious. And to the best of my knowledge, even though I tried to teach him how to do it, Alexander hasn’t bested me yet. I’ve never lost, to this day.

Challenge accepted, Miranda fans. You got me, you win this round. Congrats. Slainte, endeavors. Na-night.

THE KING OF BROADWAY IS DEAD.