Another late edition of The King of Broadway is Dead, crossover of The Doctor Is In, by Rachel Beth Ahrens. Reader Discretion is Advised for those under 16.
Ladies and gentlemen, please stand clear, doors closing, we are departing for this special The Doctor Is In Crossover with The King of Broadway is Dead. Please fasten your seatbelts and keep everything within the Tardis at all times. Please remove any objects that can become a hazardous projectile for the remainder of the ride. To prevent whiplash injury, please strap yourself in and keep your head elevated at all times in the ergonomic seat. Thank you, enjoy the show.
Announcer: We interrupt this post for a theatre drama test. Repeat, this is only a test.
DOOOOOOOOOOOOOO... (pant pant) DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...
Announcer: This concludes the test. Thank you and have a nice day.
DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO... (le pant, le heave, le sigh) DOOOOOO...
If you're confused as to what that video is up there, and what's it doing in my blog post, please click the link and look at the views it has on YouTube. Then watch the video where Jona, of Jona's Almost Famous, my new favorite YouTube vlogger, MEETS the creator of the show in the flesh, he calls her nerd, and then says that she's awesome for the video I've pasted into the draft of this post.
I'm not lying. 1.5 million hits on the first video, 500,000 on this one below. Miranda saw every single one. There he is in the thumbnail, next to the two ladies who are red in the face:
I almost want to pull out my Lily Aldrin-Eriksen voice again. Suuuuuumbiiiiiiiiitch!
And by the way, I have a secret recipe for the "Sumbitch" Cookies. They really do exist. And without making them crunchy like Tate's Cookies, I make them soft and chewy and easy on your TMJ, without scorching the sides of the cookie, as long as you've got a preheated electric oven. My special ingredient that I love to use, which makes the caramel not taste too much like toffee that sticks to your teeth: Ghirardelli sea salt caramel chocolate squares, chopped in fourths! Godiva milk chocolate caramel lions by Godiva Masterpiece works just as good, and those bars are tasty. And I have another ingredient that nobody's thought of, if you're nuking the butter to liquify it and the batter comes out too runny, but I can't tell you what that is, skippy...
*We've always been a Skippy household and anti-Jif* (See Bruno Mars music video for "Uptown Funk")
Alexander tried my sumbitch cookie recipe once, he LOVED them. Ate every single cookie I ever gave him.
I still crochet, I'm making a blanket right now, I sing (but I choose NOT to sing in public, but I do like singing), I'm really good at costume designs, I'm a dog lover, I'm a decent writer (I guess?), I'm a good friend, and I'm also a pretty good cook like my dad was. Somehow I remembered my dad's recipe for shepherd's pie even better than he did: It's Worcester sauce, beef stock, ground beef, pepper, garlic salt, thyme, rosemary, vegetables, minced onion, baby red mashies, parsley and New England sharp cheddar, and with the meat filling before piling on the mashies, you pour Guinness Stout with it! The boyfriend went crazy over it, he was in love. And somehow, I think I have the makings of a good mixologist because I just came up with a new cocktail: the Anastasia On Ice, a strawberry daiquiri concoction that requires no rum at all, but uses sweet Vermouth, cranberry juice, and vanilla flavored Stolichnaya "Stoli" Russian vodka, served with white chocolate and whipped cream on top. Creamy, frothy, frozen chic.
But I hate the fast paced move-it-or-lose-it dog-eat-dog philosophy of work ethics when it comes to finding a job.
So I guess that means... I'm better off working as a........ homemaker? Stay-at-home housewife?
No, I'd drive myself crazy, honestly. The one thing I hate about my agoraphobia more than anyone is that I hate being stuck at home alone with the dog. I've completely gone insane the last year and a half when COVID19 started. And if I had never met Alexander on OKCupid.com last year in May, I would have completely lost everything, including my mom, and I wouldn't know what to do with myself. Cabin fever would have literally destroyed me. Then again, I'm still afraid to go out the front door because of my dreadful fear of germs.
There is one other thing, though. A couple of nights ago, Alexander, the love of my life, told me on Facebook that not only is there a job for me, and he was certain of it, but because of the situation with my mental illness and the grieving process for my dad, I'm not suitable to hold down a job. Yet. He expects I'll get there soon one day, and he really does hope so. He wants me to have a job very soon, but I need to get better first. I can't help but agree with him. Anthony, my evil ex, would probably disagree and tell me to change or else, and then just get back to work.
Not only that, but today is the second week of April, April 4th was days ago, and in less than a month, it will be our one-year anniversary of the day we met online, May 4th, Star Wars Day, 2020. Almost to the day, it was two years since dad was diagnosed with stage three colon cancer before he was dubbed cancer free a year later in June 2020 when his second colonoscopy came back in the clear. Dad was diagnosed May 6, 2019, Alexander and I met May 4, 2020 in the following year, and we first met in person almost three weeks later that same month. Dad died from a massive heart attack in his sleep in surgery seven months later on December 31, seven hours before the New Year.
And it got me thinking. Maybe it's dangerous to think all this.
Let's take a more holistic and mindful approach to Hamilton, from a more lighthearted hopeful and self-healing side to it:
From listening to ENOUGH of the Hamilton Soundtrack enough times straight through, and watching enough Lin-Manuel Miranda videos, and also dissecting all of this Hamilton-fan obsession type of mania, I've found out several things.
#1- I hate, hate, hate, HATE track one: "Alexander Hamilton", the lead-in entry song to the musical. The ending of the song hurts my ears with the choir shouting "Alexander Hamilton! Alexander Hamilton! Alexander Hamilton!" And the last words at the end are the worst- "What's your name, man?" and the choir SHRIEKS really fast, Miranda says nothing but just sits there: "ALEX-ANDERHAMIL-TOOOOOOOOON!"
Me in my Terminator voice: SHUUUUUT UUUUP!
And yet, I really want to know why my Twitter friends have always given me the G-I-F images in their tweets that say, "Just you wait!"
The Hamilton nerds want to convert me! HEEEEEEEEELLLLLP! They're going to brainwash me into their Hamilton-mania! Make this stop! Rescue me! Set me free! HEEEEEEEEELLLLP!
#2- "Cheering For Me Now" still makes me do a standing ovation. I can picture the parade floats in that song.
#3- "Helpless" is actually the first Hamilton Original Broadway Recording song that I fell in love with. Blame Jimmy Fallon and The Roots for that. It was amazing what they did while the entire country of the United States was in lockdown from Corona Virus. It's flipping beautiful. Philippa Soo as Eliza, Hamilton's wife, is unbelievable, LOVE her!!! I mean, she's a goddess, for Christ's sake- Chang'e in Over the Moon! She's beautiful!
#3A- And by the way, the Chinese mythical legend of Chang'e inspired the plot of the movie too, where Chang'e was in love with a warrior, who she promised she'd run away with if they took the same eternal life potion together and fly away. But by accident, Chang'e took too much of the potion, and her lover was murdered in battle, while she flew away to the moon, and she lived on the moon ever since, for eternity, wishing that one day, she would be reunited with her true love. And through this myth, the people of China say that that's why the moon has phases, for when there is a New Moon, obscured by the black night sky, Chang'e is mourning for the loss of her true love.
This sounds a lot like the story of Alexander and his love for Eliza. Alexander was a war veteran who fought in the rebellion against the English, where America gained independence. He was the head Colonel and second-in-command to General George Washington in the Battle of Yorktown where we crushed Britain for good. Alexander Hamilton also wrote in his letter, published in the Ron Chernow biography, "I wish there was a war," and it's actually a recurring lyric in a few of Miranda's songs. It also starts with the same words of a Skeelo song, "I Wish", where he wishes he could get with chicks and drive a nicer car, but he's stuck being broke and he hates it. Hamilton hated being an orphan, the child that Death left behind, he wanted to die.
And Eliza Schuyler, the love of his life, she's the same as Chang'e in the story. She wanted her husband to, literally what the song says, "Stay alive, that would be enough." Hamilton repeats those same words in "It's Quiet Uptown" after his son, Philip, dies in his arms after another gun duel. What's with all these gun fights?
Ohhhhhhhhhhhh... Gun fights are common in Baltimore City. And New York, New Jersey too. Fuuuuuuuuuu....
#3B- The reason why the musical has Black, Asian, Hispanic, Latino, and people of other races and nationalities playing the Founding Fathers of the government?
#BlackLivesMatter. See above.
Note- Rachel Beth Ahrens fully endorses Justice for George Floyd and Justice for Breonna Taylor through Hispanic Federation and Prizeo. I also endorse Trans Lives Matter for LGBTAQI and everyone in between. I have a shirt that says EVERYONE DESERVES LOVE, and I recently bought a pink shirt with the Trevor Project rainbow LOVE logo from Hot Topic to support the Trevor Project, in giving amnesty and healthcare for transgender and non binary people to have access to everything they need.
YOU MATTER. You're human and you need to be loved and respected. I don't care what you look like, I love you anyway.
#4- "The Room Where It Happened" is a badass song. Aaron Burr has the makings of an anti-hero, but in the manner of Dr. Jekyll mixed with Dr. Facillier in The Princess and the Frog from Disney. I can hear him whisper to Hamilton: "Talk less, smile more... I got friends on the other side..."
#5- Back to Alexander Hamilton- The Founding Father most likely had PTSD and depression. Proof from the musical based on historical fact: "As a kid in the Caribbean, I wished for a war, I knew I was poor, I knew it was the only way to rise up..." "Sick with a fever, both half dead, bed ridden... Alexander got better, but his mother went quick... His cousin later committed suicide..." "How does a bastard, orphan, son of a whore, dropped in the middle of a forgotten spot..." "If I could spare his life, if I could trade his life for mine, he'd be standing here right now, and you would smile, and that would be enough... But I'm not afraid, I know who I married, just let me stand by your side, that would be enough..." "I don't pretend to know the challenges you're facing, the worlds you keep erasing and creating in your mind..." And the really scary ones from earlier in my chapters up to now: "CALL ME SON ONE MORE TIME!" and the one about President Adams: "Sit down, John, you FAT MOTHERFUUU-!"
Let's break it down. First, we know Hamilton went through a lot of grief. At 10 years old, his father abandoned both him and his mother, couple years later, his mom died of illness after they both got sick and he got better, she didn't, few years later, he witnessed his cousin killing himself and Hamilton has all of his possessions seized, left homeless and left to die a poor destitute and starving orphan... and by this moment, he's barely a teenager at 14!
This is what we call trauma, moral injury, depiction of suicide to a child, grief, anxiety... All of those things are textbook post-traumatic stress in the DSM-5. And get this, at the age of 14, Hamilton isn't a military soldier yet! He's just a kid writing stuff while working for a trader! So when he grows up, someone gets a hold of some of his letters, and Hamilton gets enough money to move to New York City to study at Columbia University, and that's finally when he starts his military career.
"I wished there was a war..." -That line is a desperate suicidal thought, textbook depression. The "Sit down, John" comment where he's screaming at the new President who hates him, that's what we call MANIA. It's rage, it's anger.
I've seen these signs before. PTSD doesn't happen to just military, and believe me, I know what that's like. My Poppi was a military man serving the Navy, and he was a Mason too. My dad, when he was alive, he might have had a form of PTSD as well, because my late grandfather was a little abusive, I can't describe it on paper, it's a little too sensitive for my mother to handle and she wants me to keep it a secret. And as for my mom, her father was an alcoholic, which makes my mom a victim of child abuse, and even worse, my grandma Joan is the worst grandma ever, because she's an awful cook and she has absolutely insane ideas of wearing clothes, she can't even decide which of my gloves looks best on one of her hands. She wore two kinds of animal print, miss-matched tops and bottoms, to my dad's funeral, she doubled up on gloves, masks, and she wore a face shield over her bird's nest of hair that she does herself in a crazy way.
And my grandmother, Joan, this is the worst thing- she's a MAGA Republican. She LOVES Donald Trump. And she loves Jesus more than anything, always trying to suck me into a Christian cult.
My grandmother is the Devil. Evil, evil, evil witch.
What do you think that makes someone like me? Especially with the hell that evil old lady witch put me through? I've always seen grandparents as mean, terrible toads to me, except for two of them- my grandpa Joe, mom's dad, who died from triple bypass and cirrhosis, and my dad's mom, grandma Catie Liz, who died from lung cancer. My grandpa, my mom's dad, was the first grandparent to die, 54 years old, I was only seven. I can only imagine Hamilton's anguish and despair over how his parents treated him up until his father disappeared. Worse is, my grandpa's funeral was open-casket, and I had to go with my mom to pay our respects. My mom was a mess. My Aunt Jenny was a wreck. They missed their daddy, as much as I miss mine right now.
I'm thinking of how much I'm desperate for a father figure. Alexander has none either, for his dad passed when he was five, his brother only a baby, and his mom never knew her father because she was born to a single mom who abandoned her in Germany. I also never got to meet Alexander's grandmother, Oma, because she was always in and out of the hospital. She passed away on Inauguration Day 2021 this January, complications from dementia. That's a coincidence, though. Dad died on New Year's, his grandma died when Biden was sworn in as President, just before people swore things were going to get better. My dad voted for Joe Biden in the final days of his life.
There is a reason why I can't stop dreaming of embarrassing nightmares, some more cruel than others.
I have post-traumatic stress disorder on top of the bipolar, anxiety, and agoraphobia. Happy early birthday, Rachel.
And finally, this video almost moved me to tears. And I could have sworn that Lin-Manuel Miranda, wearing the most luxurious white suit and a gold medal on a rainbow ribbon, was crying hysterically at the end. Because he made Hamilton, and because the Library of Congress was celebrating him with the President and First Lady of the United States. It was the Kennedy Center Honors Awards night.
"Teach me how to say goodbye..."
Christopher Jackson, as President Washington, quotes the Bible in the last half of the song, and says those words above, while Alexander Hamilton is taking dictation. Hamilton is still stunned by the fact that Washington doesn't want to be President anymore, that he wants to retire. Hamilton doesn't want him to leave, especially because there are too many people on his bad side, John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, to name three, and Aaron Burr, who kills him in the end! And they all work in the President's room- the room where it happens.
But here's the killer- Hamilton never had a dad. Washington never had a son. They were close to the only family they had. They have one last drink in this song while Hamilton writes Washington's final address to tell the people to move on without him. And years later, George Washington sends his very last letter to Hamilton, and a few days later, dies in peace at his home. This is honestly the most perfect and beautiful ending to any character in a show.
The last song that Hamilton sings in Act 2, "The World is Wide Enough", it's actually a soliloquy, where he's basically quoting all the songs in the past, from "My Shot" to "One Last Time" back to "It's Quiet Uptown" and... The songs intertwine with each other, there really isn't time for a reprise of just any song to do a verse of it over, the show needs to wrap up quickly, like this poor post as I'm writing this at 4:30 in the morning and I need to be in bed.
And Hamilton says: "I imagine death as if it's more than just a memory, when's it gonna get me... Burr, my first friend, my enemy??? ...Rise up, eyes up- my son is on the other side, he's with my mother on the other side, Washington's fighting on the other side... Teach me how to say goodbye!"
He's going through so much trauma and emotion in this final stance, before he begins weeping, puts his pistol at the sky, and sobs, "Raise a glass to freedom!"
He fires his gun, Aaron Burr shoots him, and Alexander Hamilton collapses, awaiting the doctor. But hours later, it becomes infected, he's rowed back to Greenwich with his wife and sister in law, and the next morning, Hamilton dies next to his wife.
This musical is a LOT about fathers. Not to mention, I made a joke about the ten dollar bill MY Alexander used to pay the tip on our check at the 50s diner we went to for dinner.
It's starting, guys. It has begun.
Start the clock.
My entrance into Hamilton-obsession is going to be clocked with an oven timer.
But like so many in the musical, and so many Broadway nerds before me who fell in love with this show, I miss my dad very much. My mom is even lonelier than me because when I leave home to go on a date or something, mom gets depressed inside because she's never felt more alone in her life without dad.
Daddy, teach me how to say goodbye.
Until I get Disney +, or until I can get tickets to New York or The Hippodrome, whichever I can access better... You may not see what happens to me regarding Hamilton. But after that, who knows. I think I may be converted anyway.
Bobby Ahrens, take your time, have fun over the rainbow bridge. I'll see you on the other side. I love you, daddy bear.
Na-night.
-The Lady in the Blue Box.
Lin-Manuel, te quiero mucho. Siempre.
Update: I'm taking a short sabbatical from listening to the Hamilton Soundtrack, because some of the songs, namely "Ten Duel Commandments" and "Stay Alive", have all triggered some very bad thoughts and bad memories of some very traumatic themes of almost getting into fights with people in public where I was threatened to "Let's take this outside! Imma beat the shit out of you!"
I've combatted this issue by talking to my boyfriend about it early this morning, and I've also seen a mindfulness episode on anger from HeadSpace on Netflix. It seems to be working.
The next episode will be on In The Heights! Movie comes out June 11 this year, a week early! And Variety Magazine has done a cover story on the movie, interviewing both Jon M. Chu (director, Crazy Rich Asians, Step Up, and Now You See Me, ALL of them I love!) and Lin-Manuel Miranda himself. Beautiful job, babes!
Playlist selection- I almost want to do a mashup of these two songs together, or something similar, but I don't know how they'd both work. Two songs from two songwriters that wrote musicals in the same year, 2015. :D
The first one is sung by guest star Alicia Keys:
No comments:
Post a Comment