What Kind of Month was June...

I took a very, very, VERY long break from Blogger for right now. 

I'll put it simple. The month of June- It was HELL. 

Reasons: June 15- mom and dad's wedding anniversary, 1986. If dad had been alive, he would have been married to my mom for a total of 35 years. 

Also, June 15 was a Sunday. What was just around that time the following Sunday this year? Father's Day. My parents got married on Father's Day a couple years before I was born. That makes me all the more depressed. 

I had nothing but crash courses in migraine hell, menstrual-meets-migraine hell, crying fits, emotional times with my mother, and constantly putting my crochet designs for cosplay at conventions on hold until I could get to them. 

I'm extremely behind right now, though. REALLY behind. I just found out there is a one-day convention coming up on July 17 in Harford County, really close to my boyfriend's home, we're going to go, I need a knockout Doctor Who or Marvel outfit, and right now, my Hot Topic online order is delayed. 

I have only WEEKS before Key City Steampunk Fest, it's in less than a month now. Where did the time go here? 

It's July now too, and you know what that means for writing purposes: CAMPNANOWRIMO has come once again. 

Oh crap. It's July already? July the... NINTH? Lemme see, it's the weekend, so 14 plus two, carry the one... Oh god. 

I have 16 days... Two and a half weeks... I'M GOING TO BE 33 YEARS OLD. It's my birthday this month... I have days to figure out what I'm going to wear on my birthday. 

Shit. I feel like I'm drowning. 

(Internal screaming) 

But I need to steer away from this negativity. Because something so cataclysmic and mystical came out of this. 

It was around the time I saw this ad: 

And then I had to watch the trailer the next day, that Friday. 

All of this stuff happened on the same week. 

Also, this Tuesday the 6th, I managed to find the time (finally) to play Dungeons & Dragons with my boyfriend Alexander. I rolled my first ever natural 20 with a D20 on an attack. It was INCREDIBLE. Alexander says there are some curses with dice among his D&D buddies, but because I was using my father's old set of D&D dice... my DAD'S DICE ARE BLESSED. Hence the Natural 20: 

My face is kind of screwed up in this shot, please forgive me. 

And then... As luck would have it... 

I had a dream on a Thursday morning. 

Then later today, I saw nothing but evil bullies, bullying poor Lin-Manuel Miranda again because of his new movie Encanto by Disney, and all of the Twitter-Vale has gone up in revolt. (*There is a reason why I call Twitter the Twitter-Vale: I have a wonderful new kids' story that resonates to that- The Vale of the Bunnies... It will be out later, but I'm not going to broadcast it yet...) 

Why? 

Please don't let me say it. 

It's the movie In the Heights. 

(Internal Screaming again.) 

From my new favorite movie, The Mitchells vs. The Machines, courtesy of Netflix. It is AWESOME! 

I really don't understand this "Sorry, Not Sorry" vibe I'm getting from Twitter, exactly, but a lot of people are dissing In the Heights for being racist during casting because of "Misrepresentation of Black Latinos" according to the Associated Press. Over and over, comment after comment, people were harassing the actor-lyricist-playwright (and now filmmaker- Tick, Tick... BOOM comes out this fall in time for the Oscars, and it is Lin-Manuel Miranda's first time directing a full movie a la Steven Spielberg, his idol) because he did not cast or hire anyone of Black and Latino descent into main roles such as Nina or Usnavi, for they casted Hamilton's Anthony Ramos as Usnavi, disregarding his background. (But I thought Ramos was super super cute... Is that just me?) 

Miranda published his response on Twitter moments later, remembering what he said before on many interviews with lots of journalists and talk show hosts, that Twitter is a "megaphone" at your disposal, and he's right, by the way... He apologized in a very formal and diplomatic way, and he promised he'd do much better later. 

People later watched the trailer for Disney's Encanto, and... "Sorry, YOU'RE not sorry, apology NOT accepted! Apology DENIED, jackass!" screamed Twitter. 

Me: (internal screaming again!) 

Also, there was a TON of backlash from his apology regarding In the Heights, and I know I'm going to lose a lot of followers who are going to disagree with me and hate me, but guess what, everybody: 

ONCE FORGIVEN, ALWAYS FORGIVEN. 

That is MY motto! 

Seriously, stop the hatred. Do humans really need to hate so much? My god, this must be exhausting, and Louise Hay would have a fit if she saw so much hate in the world, because she would rather have people FORGIVE EVERYONE and love each other much more than hate and build bridges. 

Also, I won't publish the letter I wrote here on Blogger, but I did write to Lin-Manuel Miranda a second time. My second letter was in the mail the very same weekend I saw In the Heights in theatres. I told him Exactly what I thought of it. And do you know what I think of his musicals? 

I found Nothing Wrong With Them. They're FLAWLESS BEAUTY. 

If you remember my dissertation on Hamilton and Miranda's book G'morning, G'night!, you can see the correlation of both in the movie of In the Heights. Miranda is a soft soul. He's complete warm sunshine on a spring day, cool breeze in the sun, hot chocolate with cinnamon mixed in, and he is a dog lover and has two adorable children... Why should anybody hate him so much? He GLOWS positivity! 

Think about it, remember what he said in his book, if I can quote a verse: "G'morning! It's been a minute... (smiles)... MY FRIEND LIKES YOU! (runs away)" 

This one is more his speed, though- "G'morning, love, your best impulse, that selfless impulse, let it take the wheel. Let it drive you toward the person you dreamed you'd be... I hope you dream the best, coolest shit. Let's go." (from both the g'morning and g'night tweets from that day) 

That was the first page I turned to just now. 

You can't get more heartwarming than THAT. 

Oh wait, you can... 

Watch this from Jimmy Fallon. I swear, these two are so on-pointe, they are loving the hell out of their audience- 

SO. Much. Energy. This is what musical euphoria looks like. 

Also, if you watch another one of my favorite YouTube bloggers, Jona, of Jona's Almost Famous, she glows the same positive vibes that Miranda has, which is why in her videos of her meeting him in person, the chemistry between them is insane, in a fan-celebrity relationship, all platonic and respectful. Jona is a sweet social media darling. 

From what Jona says in this very emotional video about COVID19 and becoming successful: "Success is NOT Linear", she's absolutely right. 

You know who also said that same quote? Miranda. He said it in the Freestyle Love Supreme documentary on Hulu, which we still have the subscription for. :) 

But it still bugs me that I CAN'T AFFORD DISNEY +! No, I may never ever get to watch Hamilton forever, because I have no subscription to the Disney streaming service and I never will, it's too hard to get a hold of. And no, I still have not seen the beautiful Pixar movie Soul yet, nor have I yet to see Pixar's newest creation Luca, and I'm dying to see that too. I'd even kill to watch WandaVision, and I can't! And I still can't afford a Broadway musical ticket, not even a ticket to the Hippodrome Theatre in Baltimore. All I've seen in musical theatre are performances done by community colleges, high schools, and very small, tiny, community theatre performances at Vagabond Players and Audrey Herman Spotlighters in Fells Point and Mount Vernon, respectively. 

Yeah, I'm that poor, it's that bad. They said they were all going to get theatre releases, and Disney lied to us. That's why I'm really mad. I can't blame Miranda- He's just DOING HIS JOB! That's it! Give it a rest! 

Now I need to stop ranting... here was the dream I had. 

I think I was at a Broadway theatre, either Richard Rodgers or Hippodrome, I couldn't tell because I've never seen what either one of them looked like. (Sucks to be me...) I was about to see Hamilton until someone pulled me backstage. But I was freaking out that the police and security would find us and kick us out for good. 

I was on the brink of running away, when the person tried to grab me and push me on stage to get me to sing a song from the same musical. I shouted: "No! I'm not going to steal the show, I DON'T BELONG HERE! I'm an Irish American white trash white chick who deserves no credit for any of this, I'm going to get arrested if I steal the show and jump out there, I'd rather die! Because I'm white and cisgender female, I deserve nothing but pity and shame, I'm getting out of here. This musical was not meant for me to perform as Eliza, Black Lives Matter... Besides, the only Irish musical about Irish people is Finian's Rainbow, and that musical is racist as hell, my mom and I hate it! We need to make other musicals about Irish people who are more loving, respectful, kind, and sweet than anything else, and that we want everyone to deserve love, not just us!" 

The person asked me before the security guards came, "Why? Are you a playwright?" 

"No, I'm not," I said. "But I do have a fantastic idea for a Broadway musical adaptation for the movie 13 Going On 30, I've always wanted to make that a hit musical with music by Whitney Houston and Michael Jackson in it, maybe with a diverse cast, I'd love for Jenna Rink to be played by someone with a disability- IgottaGO!" 

And I bolted out the back door. 

And while wallowing and sulking in self pity and shame that I deserve, I found that the main hall in the front of the theatre lobby was packed, and the hall and lobby were long and had lots of seating, but it looked like there was no place to sit alone. So I thought it best to just walk out and wait outside for things to die down. I never got to see the end of the show. 

But then, Lin-Manuel Miranda must have heard me, because he was right behind me. He told me that he overheard, he had read my letters, and he wanted to hug me. Then he offered me a job on the spot- 

"You said you want 13 Going On 30 to be a musical with a diverse cast and different genres of 80s style music?" he said. "Let's work that out. Be my playwright-in-training, kind of as my intern. I can help you." 

And just as I accepted his offer and my boyfriend Alexander found me and helped me get back to see the show... 

(Phone rings. Still moaning in all tiredness, I pick it up.) 

Me: "Hello?" 

Psychiatrist: "Hi, Rachel, How are you? Did I wake you?" 

Me: "Kind of..." 

Psychiatrist: "Good on medication for a while?" 

Yeah, not the greatest story I would have gone with, now. 

But there it was. 

I told Alexander about it tonight before midnight, as I'm awake writing this at 4:30 in the morning again, and he said, "It's all right, Rachel... Do you think you may have the possibility that you could be a playwright?" 

I said, "I took only ONE screenwriting class in college, one. That was what, 10, 11 years ago in 2010 or 2011 when I was graduating from Towson U? Sweetheart, I don't know thing one about being a playwright..." 

He cut me off in saying, "But you have a good sense of stage direction. And you write dialogue every single day and you're good at it." 

Me, in rebuttal mode: "That's just because I'm writing novels and short fiction and I picture the story like it's a movie first and foremost. Just because I took one screenwriting class and I own the new Scrivener 3 software app doesn't mean I can be a playwright- I need Final Draft Pro first of all, and I need more education to learn screenwriting or playwriting, I'm better at poetry than lyrics, come on! Being a playwright is too far fetched for me." 

Also, if you've seen the trailer for Encanto, I have tons of respect and empathy for the Disney movie's main character and protagonist Mirabel, who has "no gift" in her family in Casa Madrigal, which houses a magical family in Columbia, Latin America. Mirabel isn't magical at all, she can't even play an instrument or dance or sing, and she has no magic gift either like her brothers, sisters, or parents. It sucks, and I really do feel for her, because I have no attributes for a perfect career move for me. I don't have the knack for being in a job I love... or like... or appreciate... I can't even find a job where I like only a couple of things I don't mind doing. 

And in my head, I'm repeating the Ahrens motto, dream small, or not at all. Being famous is for people who love drama with newspapers and people who actually do want their privacy stolen from them and are uncomfortable about it. 

I'd rather not have my privacy stolen, and I'd rather not be killed by the paparazzi like they did to Princess Diana, or killed by drug overdose from the pressure of fame, like rap singer DMX. Besides, drug overdose, sexual abuse, and self harm almost killed Demi Lovato, who's now come back to tell their story in Dancing with the Devil, and I have a new respect for them as a singer. 

That reminds me of a song I wrote inspired by their song of the same name, "Dancing with the Devil", only it's the same beat of the instrumental song "Ghostwriter" by RJD2, and it ties in with Doctor Who, my favorite show. Something I've been working on for months at a time now, and it's starting to come together since I wrote Instant Infinity. 

SAVE GALLIFREY. 

BLACKOUT. 

Love you guys, na-night. 

Slainte endeavors, 

Rachel Beth Ahrens. 

These opinions are my own and no one else's, protected by the First Amendment of the Constitution of the United States. All Rights Reserved, Copyright 2021 Rachel Beth Ahrens, Lady in the Blue Box Publishing. 

EVERYONE DESERVES LOVE. LOVE IS LOVE. BLACK LIVES MATTER. TRANS RIGHTS ARE HUMAN RIGHTS. 

LOVE CONQUERS ALL. SURRENDER. 

#LoveLivesOn2021 

#MentalHealthAlliance 

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